Stellar’s Sea Cow


Some pictures from my honeymoon (I wish)



“It is not the sea cow of Aristotle, for it never comes upon dry land to feed, but it can use its fore limbs for a number of tasks: swimming, walking on the shallows of the shore, supporting himself on the rocks, digging for algae and seagrasses, fighting, and embracing each other.

It is covered with a thick hide, more like unto the bark of an ancient oak than unto the skin of an animal; the manatee’s hide is black, mangy, wrinkled, rough, hard, and tough; it is void of hairs, and almost impervious to an ax or to the point of a hook.”

– Georg Wilhelm Steller, who also discovered the Gumboot chiton.



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The Top 24 Songs of 2015


The Revenant, 2015. 20th Century Fox

Top 24 Songs of 2015 (Thank you Philadelphia, hyphens)

24. Warm Thoughts – Intangible

Elliot Babbin is the drummer of Touché Amore. Warm Thoughts (formerly Dad Punchers) is his nostalgia-fueled bummer rock project on the side. ‘Intangible’ has a lucid arrangement that builds off a stock Casio drumbeat, where dreamy weezery-rock is boiled down and refined to its sweetest crux. Their full length Mar Vista was the greatest ‘Polaroid for an album cover’ style album that ever tickled your wild and unmanicured old man ear hairs. Certainly far more enjoyable than any other overblown emo reincarnation mumbo jumbo.

23. Nice Hooves – The Gall

The title track off the ‘The Gall’ is deafening, vehement meditation on a single moment of an Every Time I Die Song. A biker meth masterpiece.

22. Antarctigo Vespucci – I See Failure

Hard-to-pronounce project of power duo Chris Farren and Jeff Rosenstock return with a full length record of beach rental property anthems. The bombastic closer of Leavin’ La Vida Loca takes a somber look back at drinking rum out of ceramic mugs. ‘I See Failure’ is sentimental at a glance, but it sincerely validates the moments that lead up to it. Could easily be the blockbuster sequel to Bomb the Music Industry’s Vacation.

21. Kylesa – Moving Day

The best part of a new Kylesa release is the one or two shoegazey 90’s songs that Phillip Cope contributes amid all the yellin’ and psyched out swamp rock. Cope is unafraid to get completely lost in down comforters of grandiose delay and other swathes of effect pedal mire. Thicker than Alan Thicke himself. 10/10 Sony Discmans.

20. Timeshares – Naive

Hunky pop-punk band Timeshares have grown up a little and gone alt. country and it is glorious. Ten out of ten single coils. These are your stompy, rag time Gin Blossom saviors. One insanely infectious & joyous hootenanny party song after another. I guess this is growing up.

19. California X – Nights in the Dark

California X sound like they unearthed the perfect overdriven amp tone while searching for fossil fuels to get buzzed off of. Smooth stoner rock with heroic guitar leads that could be direct translations of the 8-bit audio snippets that play when the princess is rescued. I wish there were a hundred more bands like this.

18. The Body and Thou -The Wheel Weaves as the Wheel Wills

Sounds like hallucinating about being eaten by headhunters, while succumbing to fever in the deepest trenches of South America’s premier tropical rainforest.

17. Bangers – Trousers of Time

Miley Cyrus named her last album after this band and with good reason. UK gravel-springsteen outfit Bangers released a fantastic record with an embroidered cockatoo on the cover called Bird. This album teetered between dissonant punk races to the finish and big rural chords that take their time in taking shape. Bangers tamper with melody and dissonance with powerful results. Easily stands out from other org-core efforts and it also truly has the loveliest album cover of 15. Look at it.


16. Frank Ocean – Bruce Valentine

Frank sings about a flaming Chevy Malibu in the wake of a Zuma County beach sunset. Its charred frame a metaphor of lost love in the face of painkiller dependency. A galactic empire of keyboards rise and fall around an Earl Sweatshirt verse, while the distorted sample of Phantom Planet’s ‘California’ skirts around a ricocheting Roland TR-808. The album that almost was…

15. The Armed – Paradise Day

Detroit destruction punk. If this was featured on Tony Hawks Pro Skater 2, those gorilla monsters from Ghost would have come alive from the shadows to tare your chosen character apart limb from limb. A blast of catchy pop swaddled by Kurt Ballou’s quicksludge static.

14. All Dogs – Skin

Skin is a dark, desperate, completely gorgeous ode to whatever goo the human soul is made from. It has four different parts – beginning in the shade and careening through desperate confession, before dying in a dazzling, young dinosaur fuzzcendo. Sincerity pours of Maryn Jones and foams up all smokey and burning. A haven of grunge, with grout always hidden just beneath the surface.

13. Sumac – Thorn in the Lion’s Paw

Tough to pick the best track off The Deal. They are all filthy, cowboy ballads for sitting solitary around fires on cold prairie nights. Sumac is the ultimate fantasy sludge-metal team assembled by sludge ball nerds at their kitchen tables. ‘Thorn in the Lion’s Paw’ is chaotic alabaster guitar and mad man hammered piano, until de-tuned twang succeeds to neon Miami heat. Their follow up is being recorded in a church.

12. Glocca Morra – Secret Drinker

This is the last song these bastards ever put out before Glocca Morra broke up and their members became professional apiarists. A southern gothic that embodies staring into the abyss that stares back into you. Pleaded vocals gradually become drowned out by sweet, sweet chunks of guitar, in lieu of the twinkly passages of Morra’s back catalogue. It was the beast that killed beauty. A stand-up guy of appalachian highs in mother’s eyes/Could do no wrong/Could never die. (2008-2015).

11. Macklemore – Downtown

She got 1988 Mariah Carey hair/Very rare, mom jeans on her derriere/Throwing up the West Side as we tear in the air/Stop by Pike Place/Throwing fish to a player, Macklemore relents in the dramatic build up to the years most unexpected and operatic chorus. If you hear ‘Downtown’on the radio then turn it off, because this track should exist only as heard/watched on the official music video. That’s just where ‘Downtown’ lives. Unabashed feel-good rock opera that is completely different than anything released this year.

10. Spirit Club – Sling

The collaboration between Nathan Williams and Dylan Baldi of Cloud Nothings was slightly underwhelming, as was the new Wavves material. But Spirit Club got everything just right, and then some. Crawling heavy metal fuzz, drawled out stoner masterpiece of a record. Spirit Club’s debut captures that magic of a song’s first incarnation with the happy accidents that arise out of recording at home. ‘Sling’ delves in the splendor of lo-fi heartache. What Arnold from Hey Arnold! would really sound like if he laid down some jams in that crazy room with the giant window panes and the pre-gentrification Brooklyn skyline rotting in the background.

9. Modern Baseball – …And Beyond

Modern Baseball are secret princes of cow punk. This song is so fucking great. It starts with this cool shuffling drum beat and EMOTIONAL guitar before we get a funky ass thumpin bass and a false start, only to be followed by downtrodden telecaster canoodling. Serious saloon closing time cowgirl serenade. Ten out of ten spurs. You know how it ends? With more of that funky bass line. A left field approach from Modern Baseball that is altogether charming and utterly addictive.

8. Baroness – Kerosene

If you are an adult then smoke pot and listen to this right now. Then imagine the damp latex skin of monsters from 80’s movies, and the punk detectives that chase them through time, firing their laser bullet slugs. Rejoice in the little muffled explosions of ‘Kerosene’ that bring in the rainy city street of ‘Fugue,’ which finally declares itself with ‘Chlorine & Wine.’ Purple is a succint attack of a non-concept album foray into mushroom growth and battlefields. A record without singles, because every song is a single. Complete with plenty of Southern picked country and sparkling solo’s fuzzed out in classical Baroness grandeur. Triumphant.

7. Joey Bada$$ – Paper Trail$

Sure everything is 90’s alt. punk but what about 90’s hip-hop? B4.da.$$ is passionate and heavy. It cuts through to something that wasn’t necessarily invited. Bada$$ raps like someone who both loves what they’re doing and is pretty goddamn amazing at it. A hard hitting beat and scratched back vinyl recalls another time you may or may not have experienced. Joey Bada$$ leaves room in his music. It has space to breathe, but it pummels you all the same. His acclaimed album brings to mind 2014 buzz word ‘swagger’ and reinvents its meaning into something  invigorating and palpable. Relentless yet without the exhausting theatrics of Kendrick.

6. Viet Cong – Continental Shelf

The band name that people who love to be offended, loved to be offended by. ‘Continental Shelf’ is if Grizzly Bear got super stoned and covered Iron Maiden. Low laying mantra of creepy, table-saw guitar behind funereal march bass that softens only in an ethereal chorus. The accompanying music video is a spot on visual counterpart to how ‘Continental Shelf’ haunts your head. But unlike all of the other obscure art rock bands your roommate or basketball coach or liquor store clerk told you were great, Viet Cong’s 2015 album was actually enjoyable.

5.  Alabama Shakes – Shoegaze

Every member of this group is a force to be reckoned with. Everyone from the thunder fingered bassist to the guy who plays the triangle is contributing something staggeringly good. Then there’s Brittany Howard, who just fuckin’ destroys anything that wasn’t upheaved by the band. Whether it be with more sweetness or with sultriness. It was no surprise when the long awaited Shakes follow up turned their grief-stricken Motown into celebratory music to hang out on the clothes line of fast living and good weather. How awesome does this song sound. Like carrying briefcases full of money, in the 70’s because you are wearing a YELLOW SUIT.

4. Titus Andronicus- Fired Up

Rise up and dance and jump off the couch and get all fired up. TMLT is not art to digest or critique. It is a surface to leap from and land in. Titus Andronicus attacks with the cadence of rowdy bar-band punks. They have single handedly pioneered the genre, possibly by accident. Patrick Stickles never fails to sound like he is challenging you to a fight. A brawl, but against one’s own ego, upon layers of sax and ‘yano. Feedback resembling a constant, phantom harmonica.

3. Sam Russo – Crayfish Tales

Sam Russo’s debut LP Storm embodied how it feels to be indoors while sleet piles up outside. Singer/songwriter/story teller beard man Sam Russo does his job with fuckin’ complete and total mastery. In a sea of guy’s with wooden guitars, Sam Russo is a rusty, coal burning steamship. His follow up, Greyhound Dreams took that feeling on the road to introduce you to new characters and places. ‘Crayfish Tales’ is a narrative of letting go, gypsy cocaine and falling asleep in the car. Of a sky that looks like it’s trying to snow but unleashes hailstones instead. This song originally appeared on a split with Arby’s delegate Brendan Kelley.

2.  FIDLAR – West Coast

FIDLAR ruled the landscape of 2015 between the watchful gaze of two life-size R. Kelly manikins. This is a hazy yet fond recollection of youth. But the sense of urgency here is false. ‘West Coast,’ even without Henry Rollins, is the beautiful realization that your hard living and fifty beer a day lifestyle has finally caught up with you. You’re dead. Life flashing before your eyes. Puke pooling on bathroom tiles, failing out of college and driving up piss-golden landscapes flicker like frames from a far off projector. Checked out/Waiting for the weekend is a final affirmation that you are embarking to that big tidal swell in the sky. The damp grip of the Grim Reaper’s hand is absent. It is just you and any memory you can hold on to. You smile. Prepare for another lifetime of messing it up all over again.

1. Hop Along – Sister Cities

Joe Reinhart and his beat up G&L decimated 2015 by plucking the most interesting lead guitar I’ve heard in 47 years. It’s like endless rays of prism glass bluegrass filtered through ferocious folk punk. All the while lead vocalist and chief song writer Frances Quinlan pushes the comforts of vocal alliteration to spill gripping stories of American life in the places between suburbia and downtown. We see the people beyond their poverty and what happens inside the houses off backcountry roads. The way in which the syllables of ‘eels twisting through the eye sockets of the horses head,’ are sung is defining in itself and one of many cinematic moments on Painted Shut.

Help! My uncle’s gone insane!
In his room he sits shaking a geranium!
Outside, the old dog resigned
Leaves heavy tracks for the father dragging the rifle to find

This song is so good that there are two formal recordings of it – the Shaking Through rendition technically came out in 2013, but it is the ultimate telling of ‘Sister Cities.’ Hop Along recorded it again for 2015’s Painted Shut, with even MORE unfettered guitar solo’s. Despite having a quaint discography, Hop Along are unequivocally one of the most exciting bands to come out of anywhere. I could wait another three years for a third LP, as theirs is the sort of craft that can be dwelt upon and invested in for good. There are just too many nuanced moments and so much brilliant prose buried in Quinlan’s snarl for their music to ever seem stale.

I know you had to shoot that dog I loved so much/I know you had to do it, Quinlan refrains from atop infinite, driving road trip mix-tape momentum. You don’t know where the battered car is going, but hopefully by this time you have come to realize that it doesn’t really matter.



Runners Up & Honorable Mentions

Torche – Loose Men

Self Defense Family and Touché Amore – Low Beams

Saintseneca – River

Kowloon Walled City – The Grift

Pusha T – F.I.F.A

Father John Misty – Bored in the USA

Loma Prieta – Roadside Cross

Dogs on Acid – Sun Bleached

Mutoid Man – Dead Dreams

The Front Bottoms – West Virginia

Fashion Week – Heroin Chic

The Weaks – Frances Quinlan Will Have Her Revenge On Philadelphia

Red City Radio – Rest Easy

Best Album from Ghosts of Best Years Past that Still Holds Up

Hard Girls – A Thousand Surfaces




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Loan Shark Teeth


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February 13, 2015 · 4:06 am

Thou – 4th Of July

This is from the Kowloon Walled City / Thou Split 7″


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Filed under Sludge metal

Ammonite consumption


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January 16, 2014 · 3:16 pm

The Best Thirteen Albums of the Year 2013


Red City Radio – Titles

Oklahoma City is the city of red that these men hail from. Take the always reliable dueling gravelly/melodic vocal attack and throw it out of the van, because everybody participates on Titles. One giant, hollering voice, in one unified battle cry after another. ‘Joy Comes with the Morning’ is the epitome of grizzled pop with its superbly crafted hooks delivered with intensity instead of irony. Weathered shanty’s like ‘Two Notes of an Octave’ and ‘The Silence Between’ just make you feel alive. Titles is empowerment music as well as a fulfilling foray into the underlying truths of org-life. What more would you expect from a band that closes out a jam with ‘I am a fucking juggernaut.’

Pity Sex – Feast of Love

Lo-fi (don’t call it a comeback) emo. Even the purest, priciest and highest grade heroin isn’t this warm and fuzzy. See ‘Hollow Body,’ and allow it to wash over you and do weird things to your veins. Mazzy Star-esque lulling over shoe eyed crescendos fit for a post-rock outfit. Tracks like ‘Honeypot,’ ‘Smokescreen’ and ‘Sedated’ ensure hazy hallucinations. But as dreamy as they may seem, the songwriting here is well paced and focused. The band name truly mirrors the actual act of pity sex – resounding as sweet, youthful and massive, yet altogether content. At their best with ‘Fold,’ a blurry longing about being tortured by nostalgia.

Fidlar – Fidlar

‘Cheap Beer’ sets the tone for a record of debauchery and racing towards Mexican borders to allude police capture. Hear it and watch them burn down a subculture of beach bum wannabes. The full length debut of FIDLAR (Fuck it Dog Lifes a Risk) barely bothers to wipe the rabid froth from its Miller Lite breathed mouth. Surfabilly and 60s garage rock muddled with the temperament of red eyed youth, make for sloppy, jaw punching songs executed with impressive technical ability. ‘Wake Bake Skate’ is like the escape to a sunnier place ruled by 40 oz. aluminum cans, seen behind plastic wayfarer frames smudged with white dust. Wallowing in a gritty life beyond over abundant reverb and Instagram filtered images of surfer girls. ‘Cocaine’ evokes Cuban drug dealers building makeshift empires, while ‘No Waves’ achieves some strange beauty, as it surrenders to binging, and yearns for a perfect left on a sunset shore. This is a place far beyond the beach.

Diarrhea Planet – I’m Rich Beyond your Wildest Dreams

An orchestra of a million guitars perfecting classic punk music. Party rock with uber attention to detail that is rife with slacker energy. You can always hear someone doing something interesting on their instrument, even in the most composed of moments, which makes this an unlikely headphone record. If you listen closely, you can hear trophies and lawnmowers falling off the walls of a garage. All while winning over the hearts of neighborhood girls who will eventually move past their band guy phase. But on ‘Separations,’ Diarrhea Planet sound like they’re gonna keep keepin’ on, because they love what they’re doing. ‘Kids’ is a lethargic jam that encapsulates the slow motion nature of life’s most poignant moments. When the drums fade, and he says I’m a singerrrrr, and the double tapping swings in, everyone just looses it. If at that moment I’m Rich Beyond Your Wildest Dreams doesn’t win you over, then you don’t deserve to wear that bandana on your head, you traitor. More than enough shredding to be considered a metal band, but they’re having too much fun to be that.

California X – California X

Amherst, Massachusetts has churned out the sleeper hit of the year. This self-titled full length is nothing but fuzzy sludge comprised of gooey molasses. ‘Sucker’ is the anthem of a summer shore superhero. Triumphantly torching his cape in sandy bonfires, as a balmy lead relentlessly serenades a perfectly sanguine and propulsive trance. ‘Mummy’ feels like relying on your car’s momentum to cool yourself off with wind while plowing through humid climates. ‘Lemmy’s World’ is reminiscent of a certain Foo Fighter’s song about forever, but with louder drums and a stoner grin. California X’s debut will drive cavities into your sweet tooth. I’m looking forward to whatever they come up with in 2014.

Coliseum – Sister Faith

Coliseum simply demonstrating that they are, and have always been a force of nature. Primitive punk, with some of the most infectious leads I’ve heard from a hard rock band in a while. Surfy guitar and scarce pedal work make extra room for throbbing bass. Partnered with always striking lyrics, Coliseum have attained a sound all their own. The second half is really where Sister Faith picks up and and drives its Bayou city knife into your stomach. Brought into fruition with ‘Black Magic Punks.’ A mother fucker of a tune that celebrates the authenticity of the underground, over superstition and Santeria. The way Ryan Patterson says Blaaaack Jeans is unforgettable. Coliseum treads over new territory, with shadowy serenade ‘Late Night Trains’ and the left field pop-sludge of ‘Fuzzbang.’

Russian Circles – Memorial

Hands down the best instrumental release of ’13. Manages to sound so much bigger than yourself, even though its just being generated by three dudes from Chicago and a slew of pedals. I’ve always admired how they can stretch out a minor chord and make it sound so enriching. Seamlessly transitions from monumental heaviness (Deficit) to breathtaking grandeur (Ethel). Heaps of paranoid guitars that sing and bellow. And the drums – those gah’ dang drums. They hold your hand and never let go through the splendor of ‘1777’. The pick slide in ‘Burial.’ I want to discuss all the little nuanced moments on here like hungover bank robbers reminiscing about the night prior, over diner food. ‘Memorial’ revives the composition of ‘Memoriam,’ with Chelsea Wolf adding an ethereal presence. Her voice is the ideal human instrument for Russian Circles’ sonic pallete. A pallete that is becoming deeper and richer with age. Bury yourself in this like a collapsing snow fort.

The Flatliners – Dead Language

What most passive indie rock and metal groups don’t have – a kid with golden pipes. Songs about shunning urban rivalry are brought to life by Chris Cresswell’s throaty voice, wrapping itself around each and every single syllable. The layering in of acoustic strings brings The Flatliner’s usual hyper form to a more organic state. Accenting the heart that their material has always had. Dead Language is clean and energetic, with the urgent stride of an ex-ska band. Their lack of gimmicks is a shock to the system. The astounding ‘Tail Feathers’ relays like montage music to stealing what is yours, to begin with. ‘Sew My Mouth Shut’ and ‘Quitters’ are invigorating and bright. No filler to be found – everything is a victorious progression from the superb Cavalcade. On ‘Brilliant Resilience,’ those golden pipes touch on a more personal, story telling approach. The Flatliners’ move to the fringe of folk punk is highly successful.

Doomriders – Grand Blood

Nate Newton screaming ‘fuck’ at the tippity top of his lion lungs in ‘Bad Vibes’, is one moment that contributes to the royal status of the Doom. He still has the most gut wrenching howl in metal. Half pipe ripping thrash leads have been replaced with iron beds blanketed by eleven ton quilts. Still present, but buried under RIFFS. Lyrics inspired by the world’s cruel hand, and not mythology. ‘Gone to Hell’ sounds like a hitman’s life regrets, while ‘Dead Friends’ is everything that the future of metal should be. Both veer pleasantly close to good old fashion rock & roll. Even in murkier territory, they have a celebratory vibe that somehow always rings brutally honest and poignant. ‘Back Taxes’ is the soundtrack to a party where ancient artifacts are being thrown into a pool by dudes in denim vests, except the pool is filled with fire and the fire is filled with Camaro frames. ‘Death in Heat’ is a noisy, sludge burner, with marching ring outs. Doomrider’s blue period and the darkest hour of a complete triumph.

Iron Chic – The Constant One

The Constant One can be considered gruff punk, but Iron Chic make it weird and they make it art. You can detect this immediately as ‘The End’ fades into the boldness of ‘Bogus Journey.’ This is meaty indie rock that merits all of your attention, because it’s just that damn juicy and full of flavorful gusto. On ‘Spooky Action at a Distance,’ there is the sliest undertone of humor chased by the inevitability of death. You can never quite tell if Iron Chic is wallowing in defeat or rejoicing in the strangeness of it all. However, when human anguish is relayed in a giant singalong, you can’t help but to not give a fuck right alongside them. Feedback and noisy interludes makes the medicine go down with a lovely harshness, especially with ‘A Serious House on Serious Earth.’ ‘(Castle) Numbskull’ is a much more passive and sonically unique change of direction from prior material. But Iron Chic has always had an unmistakable sound that is overpowering in the best way. You’ll even find a reference to the Gin Blossoms on ‘Truly Miserable Experience’, or perhaps it’s a nod to how 90s alt. rock is impacting the punk scene, fifteen years later. Authentic sincerity foretold in a bizarre, surrealist landscape. Akin to eating a steak that has been syringe injected with dopamine.

The Front Bottoms – Talon of the Hawk

While you sleep, The Front Bottoms have been building a devoted following with their ecstatically delivered acoustic punk jams about leaving youth behind for more youth. Great storytelling with visceral narratives that grab you and paint specific places and people. The Front Bottoms are linguists armed with huge hooks, brutal honesty and a knack for mixing metaphor with confrontational truths. Sobering up as you grow older is punctuated by sex, getting stoned and all of the weird places that you end up at night. Brilliant references and themes cross so often, its like songs within songs within songs. ‘Funny You Should Ask’ hops from knife fights to posing in photographs to longing for the girl next door. But the Bottoms are most compelling when they’re earnest, on tracks like ‘Santa Monica’, with I wanna confess it in a whisper that’s just loud enough to make out/I want you to listen from the kitchen to me confessing on the couch/I wanna be stronger than your dad was for your mom. ‘Twin Size Mattress’ is a contender for best single of the year, with a sentiment that just weighs almost more than one can bear. The gang vocal delivery of No fucking way! is enough to solidify Talon of the Hawk as a present day classic.

Captain We’re Sinking – The Future is Cancelled

More perfectly crafted melodic punk from the land of Pennsylvania. Bound to the Philly scene by the water they drink but related to The Menzingers by blood. Lyrics that range from contemporary hyms to quirky storytelling. Loneliness, drinking oneself to death, family, and leaving home all comprise the once bright future. Song structures that are more complex than the straightforward race from intro to outro. Perpetually churning feelings of apprehension into drunk bravery. Where sometimes the chorus is regret, or its trusting that all these missteps will amount to something, and sometimes its not there at all. ‘You Have Flaws’ blurs the lines between religion and self medication. The surmounting tension of ‘Montreal’ will remain with you long after the feedback fades. ‘More Tequila, Less Joe’ is a sprawling powerhouse about ‘seeing yourself in strangers eyes and knowing how you will die.’ ‘A Bitter Divorce’ continues on a theme of not just growing out of places, but people. Female vocals make for a somber duet that just wrenches in your chest. The urgent chords of ‘Here’s to Forever’ are thrilling, parted with constantly shifting percussion that make it a standout. The Future is Cancelled does not just dwell on the hardships of youth, which is the smoother route taken by many artists. Captain We’re Sinking spin a series of yarns about shunning remorse and what happens in the second act. It seems odd to state, but there’s an eerie magic about these songs. The sort of album that is waiting for you to make it your own personal gem.

Restorations – LP2


‘D’ begins LP2 with swirling tones and ringing that erupts into an uplifting something or other. Its hard to tell – Restorations just combine it all. Boisterous, groove-laden rock with the ethos of instrumentally grounded metal? 90’s alternative with twangy sludge-punk? Shoegaze and baroque salsa? LP2 never really settles, as it changes from warmly atmospheric to rugged, without fair warning. Has more stomp than the lower key LP1, with every facet of the bands attacked refined. The people sung about in the tales of LP2 are you and me, grounded in the monotony of daily life. The choruses are seemingly mundane things we say to each other on a regular basis; I was listening to Bob Seger/while she was listening to Pete/with a wry smile she says to me/well which side are you on?

Modern phrases of philosophy are strewn about with glimmering strings and faint organ. ‘Lets Blow Up the Sun’ is magnetizing, unfolding like a mantra, with dark forests of delay to get lost in. ‘New Old’ is as much of a ball of fire as it is the voice of an avoider generation; You in the corner shaking just staring at your phone/singing “I gotta get outta here. I gotta go home.” Absolutely go see them if they happen to mosey through your town. To hear how these gentlemen create such an intangible, yet riveting noise is a gift. LP2, as well as their New/Old 7,” have cemented Restorations as the most essential band of 2013. New/Old includes a single absent from the full length called ‘0.014.’ A ballad that tells the true story of a tortoise that escaped from the zoo. It is very important that you listen to it.

Also Deafheaven.

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Shark tries to fight Moose: Shark Looses


(NOVEMBER) Two Newfoundland fisherman stumbled upon a Greenland shark in the midst of being defeated by a Greenland moose. In a new twist on the classic ‘bear vs. shark’ debate, the beachcombers discovered a shark choking on moose hide. The Greenland shark, which is known for capsizing kayaks, most likely struck up a conversation with the seemingly docile moose, earlier that afternoon. This interaction soon turned hostile, as the shark attempted to ingest the moose, to which it was highly unsuccessful.

Both fisherman had to remove the mammals hide from the shark’s jaws, before it swam away into an ocean of mortification and unrequited dreams.


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Zombies/Snow/New England



The dead start eating townies, in a quaint New England suburb. During a snowstorm.

Read it here


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Seafoam Green


A Cape Cod woman is haunted by the presence of a man in a melted Halloween mask. Read it here:

Manatee River Bank



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Black Beard


Source: Children’s Stories for Grown Ups


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